When the offspring of baby boomers move out of home, it’s supposed to give them a sense of freedom. One door is closing and a new chapter in their lives is about to begin. But for many people of the “boomer generation” it’s not quite as simple as that and, far from being a relief, the empty nest syndrome can trigger feelings of depression in many people who feel that their lives are no longer as fulfilling as they once were.
Empty nest syndrome refers to the grief that many people suffer when their children move out of the family home.
Celebrity chef Gordon’s Ramsey recently said in a media interview that when his son Jack moved out of home, he was devastated. He spoke of walking into his son’s room to clean out the possessions he’d left behind, which included empty junk food wrappers and dirty socks.
But, once his son’s room was clean, Gordon felt incredibly sad to think that it would never be Jack’s room again; it was now just another room in the house.
When children move out of home, it’s not unusual for parents to question their role in life – not only their children’s lives but their lives in general. “Who am I?” is a common question for empty nesters. It can be a struggle for many boomers as they navigate a new world, where they’ve been in a parent-child relationship for 18 or more years, and now left wondering what on earth they can do with themselves.
It’s a loss of identity that 66 year old “Sarah” struggles with, years after her three daughters left her home.
“I don’t think I fell into depression but, to be honest, I never got any kind of help for the times that I felt were quite dark. I just thought I was feeling low because I was missing my girls. I was also going through a divorce at the same time so having the empty nest meant that my kids and my husband were gone,” Sarah says.
“I kept telling myself I was okay; I had my two cats and I have a close circle of friends. Also, one of my daughters lives just a five-minute drive away so it’s not as though I never saw her regularly. But, looking back, I probably should have gotten some help or at least spoken to a professional. I think my generation does like to just ‘soldier on.’ I also think depression is a topic people talk about very openly today, but my generation is very much of the ‘stiff upper lip’ generation where we don’t want other people to know that we’re not coping.”
A study by the American National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) indicates nearly two million of the 34 million Americans ages 65 and older suffer from depression. Reasons range from medical illness to the isolated lifestyle many of them lead, including ‘empty nest syndrome.’
If you’re a baby boomer who is struggling with empty nest syndrome here are some methods for coping
1. Come up with a daily routine and stick with it. It might be taking your dog (or partner!) off for a walk in the morning before sitting down to enjoy morning tea. Or maybe your routine involves sport or catching up with friends. Whatever it is you enjoy, make sure you continue to start your day in a way that pleases you.
2. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel happy. Whether it’s window shopping, catching a movie or going for a ride on your bicycle, always prioritise the best things in your life.
3. Volunteer to help others – either people that you know, or complete strangers. It’s a well-known fact that helping people helps you too; lifting your spirits as being a helper and being of service is guaranteed to give you a “helper’s high.”
4. Look after yourself. Eat plenty of healthy food, exercise at least once a day, write in a journal to express yourself creatively and, most importantly, make sleep a priority. The more you rest, the better you will feel. These are all principles that we encourage and live by ourselves at Peerhear.
5. Talk to someone. Ideally, someone who understands and has time for you. Don’t underestimate the healing power of talking things through, no matter how unnatural it feels to you to bare your soul. We founded Peerhear on a deep belief, backed by data that simply confiding with someone with lived experience in what you are going through can dramatically improve the trajectory of your emotional wellbeing.
The ‘empty nest’ years are not easy but there are plenty of ways you can help yourself power up when times are tough. There is always help for you – all you need to do is reach out.
If you feel you can relate to feeling this way, please get in touch. We would love to help you and you have nothing to lose by talking about everything that’s on your mind with a caring, understanding person who wants to listen to you.
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